Dreams

I had my first dream about my Dad since forever. I think its been a couple of years. I always worry that its a sign of something. Like he's worried. I had a hard time in my dream remembering if he was alive or dead and was sort of in shock, even while dreaming, that he was there.

I was in my bed when I heard the front door open and shut. Assuming it was Steve coming home (from his usual swing shift?) I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep like usual. I usually cant sleep once I know he's home, so I lay with my eyes closed and wait for him to come in the room and kiss me goodnight before he returns to the living room. Only this time, he was taking a long time, so I opened my eyes finally. And guess who it was? Dad. He was playfully crouched over a little peering at me with a smile at the end of the bed. And I of course sit up and was confused at seeing him.

It was still sort of dark in the room and I cant say I was happy to see my Dad. I think I was more embarrassed and confused, because I could not for the life of me, remember when the last time I saw him was. I knew he might have been dead, but it was hard to recall, you know? Very weird feeling. I eventually hugged him and we talked a bit. Although I cant remember right now what about...although it was sort of serious. Like something important.

Then Jada started whimpering in the baby monitor and I woke up.

My heart still hurts painfully thinking about my Dad. And I get really superstitious. I wonder if Jada sensed something, like his presence and thats why she cried out. It was around 3:30am this morning.

Alot of my dreams of Dad are of him telling me some important thing. Once it was him saying to "Its time..." I wish I could remember this conversation.