Binky Withdrawals Part II

Happy Grandparents Day '08
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Ugh....

Bedtime was not fun. Well, actually, most of yesterday was not fun. Once the monster awoke from her fitful nap (early!) she was crabby and whiny. Literally, from the moment she opened her eyes. *sigh*

We ran some errands, dropped off the artwork she made for Papa and Grandma Miki for Grandparents Day and then called it a night. Bedtime was a little hard, what with the "broken binky". She kept waking up and crying out, "Uh oh!!! UH OH, MOMMA....Broke!" Over and over again. I tried to not go in and soothe her too much, but I wanted to sleep. And getting her quiet is the easiest way for me to get some rest.

Well, at daycare today, I snipped her binky when she wasnt looking and let her teachers know. I was nervous all day thinking of how she probably didnt sleep and would be super moody and cranky when it was time for me to pick her up. When I did go and pick her up, her teachers said that she was fine and didnt even ask for her binky. Well what the heck!? They did say that she didnt sleep very long...and when she came out of her classroom, she was pretty tearful and told me she was sad.

Im pretty sure this moodiness is related to the binky removal process.

Well, tonites bedtime "fight" was worse than yesterdays. She had been telling me she was sad all afternoon and when I turned out her lights, she began wimpering. Crap. She had discovered the even smaller binky (I had snipped it down to almost nothing) and was unable to put herself to sleep. Eventually, she was crying out sadly that she missed Daddy. I totally believe she misses him and she's not necessarily being manipulative. And without her comforting binky, she is being forced to deal with all the unpleasant things she could mostly ignore before. So, with that said, I went in her room again and tried to comfort her and brought out the bear that Steve sent me when he was deployed last time. She hugged it but couldnt stop crying. Her little face would contort as if she were trying her best not to cry, but tears would pop out anyways. I finally got the phone out and called Steve. Thankfully he was able to answer and he talked to her for a bit. She wouldnt speak at first and started to cry some more and hide her face, like it was too difficult and made her hurt more inside...but eventually calmed herself enough to tell him about her binky issue and request a pink bear from him. I started to cry a bit at the end because it was just so heartbreaking. The whole thing. The binky AND the missing Daddy thing.

Steve would tell her he loved her, and then her face would contort a little and tears would spring from her little face. And she would say in her little toddler voice, "Me miss you, Daddy..."

Well, its just too much for an emotional pregnant woman. Thankfully her room was dark and she couldnt see the tears in my own eyes.

I hate deployments.